PC²

I have a new-found respect for the order of things in this world. A renewed reverence for the paradox that language shapes attitudes at the same time that attitudes shape language. This truth was revealed to me through our use of terms relating to our computers. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the majority of our words for computer terms have something to do with violence and/or negative connotations. If your computer stops working it: 'Crashes.' If it does crash you have to: re- 'Boot' it. If your computer isn't feeling well it has a: 'Virus.' We 'Rip' music so we can 'Burn' it later, and if someone invades your computer they can turn it into a 'Zombie' machine. We have to deal with 'Bugs' and 'Worms' and if everything goes to hell we end up with a system 'Meltdown.'

So in the interest of trying to be more positive, I have come up with a less offensive lexicon when dealing with our computers. A PC guide to PC terms if you will. Now instead of crashing, your computer will 'Experience an Unfortunate Percussion.' We will 'Suddenly Seperate' music so we can 'Rekindle' it later. Now we'll deal with 'Diminutive Arthropods' and 'Persistent Platyhelminthes' and if everything goes to hades we end up with a 'Failure to Maintain a Coherent Information Structure.'

I hope this guide serves you well. I'm going to pass this on to the people in charge at all of the major software and 'solid-ware' companies to see what they think. Wish me luck.

With Me

Come with me

Come with me my love

Come with me to the waters edge that I may play beautiful music for you

I want to feel your warm touch and hear your long breaths

I want to know that of all the places you could be you chose to be with me

I want you to know that of all the places I could be I chose to be with you

The fairies are lovely tonight are they not

Come with me to the waters edge that I may play beautiful music for you

Come with me my love

Come with me

The Eye of the Beholder

I just wanted to take the time and offer my support to all of the female specimens of our species. I'm not talking about the fact that you have to put up with childbirth, periods, cluttered purses, high heeled shoes, having to sit down every time you want to use the bathroom, and putting up with idiot males who have no idea you're even putting up with these things. I'm offering my support in the area of having to put up with beauty magazines. You know what I'm talking about. All of those magazines at the check-out stand that command you to put up with all of the aforementioned nightmares while looking spectacular. Now, I will concede that the message of 'beautiful' has been amped up for both sexes, but I believe that women, once again, have gotten the short end of the stick (insert penis joke here) as it were.

I tried to think of the male equivalent to beauty magazines and came up empty. Sure we have a few fitness magazines that tell us to look good, but at least they attempt to hide the true motives behind the thin veil of 'fitness' and getting healthier. So what are guys left with? Magazines like Playboy, Maxim, FHM, Stuff and the like where we look at what?...That's right, beautiful women! So the general consensus is that we like to look at beautiful women. Women look at 'em and men look at 'em. Now don't get me wrong, I like to ogle just as much as the next neanderthal, but it's the extreme emphasis that bothers me. I see young girls look at those magazines and I know that they, in some way, are basing their self image on what they see in those magazines. It just frightens me to think of an entire generation of girls who are growing up thinking they are inferior in some way. How about an article proclaiming the virtues of being unique and beautifully flawed? The real shame is that I have met many very attractive women who have such a low opinion of themselves that they don't think they are good enough for anybody. How about a magazine that touts the virtues of other areas of humanity? Just once I'd like to have 'Seventeen' magazine run an article on "How to get him to notice your brain" or "The right way to articulate your personality." Honestly, how many issues of Cosmo could possibly contain their "Largest sex survey ever!"?

My advice: go your own way. I've never needed anyone to tell me what looks good. And to be honest, my choices probably haven't been approved by everyone. But then again how many of our choices ARE approved by everyone? The secret is to not care. Now I'm not advocating being sloppy or slovenly, but simply finding your own idea of what's beautiful. Above all, I just hope that women realize that it is a self-imposed burden that they place on themselves. We men will think about you how you feel about yourself. Now if you'll excuse me, I hear Cosmo has the "10 secrets to beautiful living" issue out. Race you there.

The Mourning After

So today's the day, that dreadful day?
The undoing of that rice filled day in May.
So many stories, laughter, and tears.
We did the best we could for the last few years.
Which things are yours, and which one's are mine?
When splitting two lives, where does one draw the line?
People don't come apart so neatly and squarely.
But I know we'll survive, if even just barely.
Two lives, forever connected.
I'm sorry for your having to feel so rejected.
But you'll make it through this, my strongest of friends.

You see
This is where our story begins...not ends.

Reckless Idealist

Today is the first day of the rest of your life? Today is the ONLY day of your life. Did you waste it? I didn't. Today my thoughts were captivated by notions of deeper meanings and universal truths. These subjects have come to mean much more to me after this past year. 2005 was the year I was born. Considering that the one person most people never meet is themselves, I find myself extremely...humbled.

This year I learned:

To not let life intrude on my living.

That the hardest thing you've ever faced is always just on the horizon.

It's the journey, not the destination that's important.

That freedom is only truly appreciated by those who don't have it.

That not everyone thinks like me.

Love is independent of proximity.

You are what you love, not what loves you.

To not take anything, or anyone, for granted.

So as I emerge from my dark tunnel to be absorbed by the light, I wish you well on your journey, weary traveller. I hope our paths cross one day... just for the stories.

Dots

In the face of so many people lamenting the fact that it is hard to meet someone special, I've recently tried to attack the subject of matchmaking from a scientific point of view.

The problem is finding an accurate way to measure compatibility. We could start with the law's burden of evidence which is a "preponderence of the evidence." Basically a hair over 50%, or half. Surely this is a much too lenient measurement as I highly doubt that every other person you meet would make a suitable mate. So let's seek a higher power: Seinfeld. In an episode of Seinfeld, Jerry suggests that only 5% of the population is suitable for dating. Well now we're getting somewhere. That might be suitable for some, but I'm addressing those who feel that they want to be with someone REALLY special. I'm tempted to let it rest at one out of a thousand people are compatible, or .1%, but I can't stop there. I'm talking to the people that believe that they're supposed to be with someone who perfectly completes them. People who are looking for these types of things tend to use the phrase "he/she is one in a million."

We finally have an accurate measure of compatiblity. So let's use our newfound romantic rosetta stone and figure out the odds of meeting such a person. In the United States there are approx. 360 million people. Eliminate half of them for being the wrong gender which leaves us with 180 million people. Now, using our yardstick of "one in a million" we actually find out that there are 180 "dream" mates walking around at any given time just in this country. I've included a map with a represention of where those people might be right now. As you can see, they really are everywhere. How close is your dot to one on the map? Would you be ready if you met one today?

I hope this helps those of you that believe love might pass you by. You see love, and potential love, are all around. May you take heart in this, oh weary traveller, as you continue on your journey to connect the dots.