Attraction

You attract what you are, not what you want.

What a powerful concept. To let logic follow through: If we want to find what we are looking for, we must first become what we are looking for. Wow. You mean to tell me that you're not going to find a guy who wants to settle down and start a family at a rave? You mean you're not going to find a nice girl you can bring home to mom at a strip bar? Exactly.

I can't tell you how many people I see living the old cliche of looking for love in all the wrong places. First of all, I believe that true love hits you when you least expect it. It never fails. You search for months for mr/mrs right, and as soon as you stop looking is when they fall right in your lap.

The key is to just live your life. Work on finding yourself and the partner will come. I truly believe that to find cool people you have to do cool things. Learn how to hang glide, take an art class, do a local play, learn a second language. Work on bettering yourself and the opportunities to meet someone special will surely present themselves. Because the best things in life happen when we're busy making other plans.

My Car

One of the few times I feel in absolute control of my life is when I am behind the wheel of my car. There, I said it. It's true. When I am driving I am the lord of all creation. I am the holy decider of my fate and the sacred protector of my destination.

I flick my wrist and electric current tells other drivers around me I wish to turn at the next light. I extend my foot and my car slows at my command. I will this great metal beast to come to a stop and the beast obeys my decree. I bark orders from the bridge and the entire ship snaps to attention and hangs on my every word. "Go!" I yell at the beast and the beast roars to life and carries it's master to his destination. Behind the wheel of my car I am in a fantasy world that begins and ends with the turning of a key. With the music loud and the wind through my hair, I really could be on my way to anywhere. Dubuque, IA, Bangor, ME, Tallahasee, FL, Seattle, WA, Mobile, AL, Needles, CA, or Wichita, KS could all be my destination as far as my car knows. To paraphrase Tony Hoagland:

"With my foot upon the gas,
between the future and the past,
I am here-
here where the desire to vanish
is stronger than the desire to appear."

IF

If I had a song, I'd sing it loud.
if I wasn't trapped inside this cloud.

If I had a car, I'd drive it far.
if I actually thought I could reach that star.

If I had a gun, I'd start a war.
if I could find something worth fighting for.

If I had a match, I'd let it spark.
if I thought, I could vanquish the dark.

If I had a soul, into the abyss be hurled.
if I had a lover's quarrel, with the world.

But...
...If I had you, these things'd pass away,
like the blackest of night being consumed by the day.

He and She

He wanted one life
She wanted another
They couldn't have their cake
So they devoured each other

Safari

Dear friends,

I thought you might like an update on my latest experience on the African plains...

It came in the form of watching a great hunter. The fiercest predator of them all...the cat. I watch in awe at how efficient this beast truly is. No wasted movements as he silently approaches his next meal. The prey is completely unaware of the terrible shredding death that is about to befall it. It's amazing how the prey cannot just sense the intense look of death it is getting from the monster. He slowly approaches the helpless creature. Already thinking of the great feast that lies ahead, the beast's hair stands on end in sheer engulfing exctasy. One last prayer is uttered by the universe that if there is any way to spare this creature, let fate step in. The prayer goes unanswered and the mighty carnivore leaps to unleash his flying punishment. It is done... The twist-tie on my kitchen floor has been thoroughly annihilated by my cat.

I once read that women look for men who have pets because it means the man already understands that he must come home everynight. I found this line of thinking deeply fascinating. On one hand I found this notion very sweet. Having something/someone depending on you is a powerful leap in thinking and attitude. To realize that there are other creatures that look to you for food, shelter, and protection radically changes your world view. You are no longer a wandering nomad in search of solitary adventures. You are no longer free to come and go as you please for you now have reponsibilities and obligations. I personally care for many, many animals of a myriad of species, but part of this womanly feat of soothsaying bothers me...just a little. Perhaps we men must look for women who don't have pets. Maybe a woman who has pets hints that she is looking to tame a great beast. Perhaps this signifies that she is looking for a warrior to subjugate to her own kingdom. This may work for a short while, maybe even a long while, but in the end the piece of men's spirit that craves the open plain and the wonderful adventures it could bring will cry out in desperation. How each man deals with this cry is different. Some can ignore the call and pretend that the wind is not bekoning them to grow wings and fly to distance lands in search of treasure. Others, however, cannot. These cases are heartbreaking indeed. For the warrior hears the rushing of the wind in his ears and believes it's promises of freedom. This warrior answers the call at all costs in order to avoid being held captive by circumstances, never to return again. The secret for women, I think, is to accept, not deny the fact that inside each man lies that restless warrior. That every once in awhile he may need to answer the call of the wind. She must understand that if he is truly hers he will faithfully return from his adventure and bring with him great treasures that they may share together.

The Long Way

I take the long way home.

I always have. Since I was in third grade and walked three blocks out of my way from school everyday just to pass by the lake. To this day I still drive on streets out of my way just to see the park. The only reason I bring it up is because I first became aware of it today. So how does something this major go by undetected for all these years? Let's look a little deeper.

Perhaps, the long way home is not just a longer way to get home, but a philosophy. A lifestyle. A revolution. Maybe it's a way to tell the world that you're not afraid to explore him. Maybe it's a way to tell time that you're not afraid to steal some of her.

I also believe that the long way home is that way for a reason. To discourage those who aren't ready for it. Being the long way home ensures that the lazy, the weak, and the easily discouraged never even attempt it.

Yes, I take the long way home.

Then and Now

Then, I was a confidant warrior.
Now, I am a doubtful soldier.

Then, I was a powerful shaman.
Now, I am a homeless villager.

Then, I was a playful puppy.
Now, I am a weary dog.

Then, I was the flying hero up above.
Now, I am the cowering townspeople down below.

Then, I was a roaring lion.
Now, I am a helpless sheep.

Then, I was the wall.
Now, I am the one leaning on it.

Then, I was the brave explorer.
Now, I am the scared naysayer.

Then, I was the conquerer of mountains.
Now, I am a mountain being conquered.

Then, I was the mighty wind sweeping the plain.
Now, I am the stubborn trees blocking the way.

Then, I was the sun.
Now, I am the moon.

Maybe being the moon won't be so bad.

I Can't Live Here Anymore.

hello...innocence?

YES?

where are you going?

I CAN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE, I'M SORRY.

why?

I'M NOT WELCOME ANYMORE.

yes you are.

YOU ONLY WISH I WAS. WE'VE HAD OUR FUN. WHICH IS MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE

is there anything i can say or do to change your mind?

ACTUALLY, YES. YOU HAVE TO FORGET.

forget?

YES. FORGET THE THINGS YOU'VE SEEN. FORGET THE THINGS YOU'VE HEARD. AND FORGET ABOUT THE THINGS YOU'VE DONE AND SAID.

but how does one forget?

EXACTLY.

well, if you must go...?

I DO.

are you ever going to visit?

NO.

okay. i will miss you very much.

ME TOO.

Denouement

I Love The Way Your Eyes Sparkle When You Look At Me.

I Love Your Eyes When You Look At Me.

I Love Your Eyes, Look At Me.

I Love Your Eyes.

I Love You.

I Love.

Love.

Ants Never Sleep

I had two reactions when I heard this piece of strange.

First: If ants never sleep, then they have much more time to do the things they love.

How exciting to have:

More time to laugh
More time to cry
More time to love
More time to go Starbucks
More time to pick up dry-cleaning
More time to go swimming in the lake
More time to drink lemonade
More time to call loved ones
More time to run with butterflies
More time to catch fireflies
More time to squish beach sand between your toes
More time to catch snowflakes on your tongue
More time to make love
More time to bask in the afterglow

Second: One fact makes me happy that I'm not an ant.

If ants never sleep...then ants never dream

The Journey of a Thousand Pages...

...Begins with a single post.
That's what she told me as she turned herself into the rain. As I felt her fall on me, I started to understand how spring felt. As the sun and the moon played hide and seek, I stood in awe at the way pinecones bounce. Then the wind blew and she whispered in my ear the secret that rain likes to keep. The rain is in many pieces because she can't handle falling all at once. The idea scares her. I knew I loved the rain.