Extended Vacation

We've been here before.

'Dream' he said.
'Believe' she said.
Convincing no one but themselves.

A solitary voice, piercing the darkness.
Only to be ravenously consumed by abject apathy.
This matter to be annihilated by anti-matter.

We've been here before.

I write my lines
Dotting my eyes
and crossing my T

We've been here before.

Surrounded by faces I don't recognize
before realizing that I am the stranger in the room
Laughing politely
at my own demise

We've been here before.
Wait...
Oh, god...
We've never left.

Pan's Labyrinth

wendy?

it's peter...

...drink your magic potion...

...and believe.

Completely Incomplete

Stay out dear twilight, stay out.

I could climb on your trees
and run through your breeze.

Stay out dear twilight, stay out.

I can still see the stars in your light
especially the second one to the right
but...would you be there in the morning?

Stay out dear twilight, stay out.

It's not as late as you think.

Stay out dear twilight...

Stay out.

Live For Ever

When I was young I thought that I might live forever.

But now that I'm older...I'm sure of it.

Love's Preposition

She once asked me
what I meant
when I said
'I love you'

Struck by the gravity
of that question
I had nothing to say.
It means so much
yet says so little.

It means
I want to be with you
talk to you
and surround you

It means
I want to fall over you
lie down beside you
and impress upon you

It means
I want to dive into you
swim underneath you
and fly through you

It means
I want to pick flowers for you
blow kisses at you
and cry because of you

But most of all
When I say I love you
I want to make you...believe

Nursery Crimes

Now I lay me down to weep

And through my skin my blood to seep

If I should lie, her heart to take

Please burn me god, upon the stake

False Saints' Day

You peel the flesh
you gouge the eyes
you burn the bones
in search of your precious 'truth'
Did you find what you were looking for my love?

You did your digging
your own grave perhaps?
He was whispering
But could you even hear him
Over the sound of your own tongue?

Could you see the tears in his eyes
Through the flames in yours?
Did you truly want him to use his wings
or just wear out his knees?

You pulled the strings
you called the shots
Did that make it easier for you?
'Let's re-mold him' you pleaded of the gods
And having unnatural sway with them
Got your way
Did it feel good?

You can have your deities
your candles
your black masses
Because now he is tired
tired of giving things he never possessed

Tired of bending
tired of twisting

And sorry
Sorry he couldn't be what you wanted
And sorry you couldn't see it sooner.

To My Best Friend Margo, Whom I Wept With

For all of the words you don't hear
for all of the worlds you hold dear

For all of the tears you don't see
for all of the years that you'll be

For all of the heartbreaks you feel
for all of the moments I steal

For all of the hours of waiting
for all the lifetimes of hating

For all of the grief
for all the anguish
for all the pain

I'm so

so

sorry

Mr. Kindness Moves Out

Bags packed

the candles blown out

The wind howls outside

second only

to the wind howling inside

I stand at the edge of a neon abyss

so pretty

yet...tragic

The glimpses come

of lives not so...complicated

Two steps forward

one step back

are the only moves in this dance

the tickets are bought

the whole trip's been planned

...to you

The truth is I'm tired

my thumb is cold from the wind

and it's not always fun not knowing

who will pick me up

But I've outstayed my welcome

so I'll send my half brother, Mr. Perfect

to see if you need anything

Maybe he can help

He Seemed to Say

Silly, silly boy.

You'll be real soon enough.

But until then...stop giving your strings to others to control.

Promises, promises

I made her break a promise
I did it just today

I made her break a promise
Much to my dismay

I couldn’t help but watch her
As I tried to catch the raindrops in my hands

“I promise daddy”

My heart first leaped
Then sank.
For I knew what I asked was impossible.
It’s the sin that every parent
Of every child
Commits.

So my love
When you learn of this
Go easy on me
I too, am only human

This was the promise of her I asked:

Just please my love


Don’t

Grow up

Too fast

Pleas and Blank 'You's

Please sir
Please help her
You’re the only one
Who can help

I’ve come so far
To seek your guidance
As you know
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do
She is so very strong
Yet so very fragile

She has her thoughts, her wisdom, her brains
Yet is weighed down by her self made chains.

She has her courage, her bravery and wit
Yet is tumbling down a most bottomless pit

She has her big heart, her essence and soul
Yet her eyes have trouble seeing the goal

So you see sir
She needs you now
Perhaps more now
Than ever

So I’ll make you a deal
I won’t tell, what I saw behind the curtain
If you’ll just help herFind her way home.

Bedtime

...and one day, when our kind have fought our battles and run our course, they will be left, once again, to sit with their children at night and tell... humantales.

The Elevator

With guilded doors
to unamed floors
Hoping for the heavens
This elevator we ride

The slow moving gears
calmed all of our fears
Enjoying the view on
This elevator we ride

The cables felt strong
and nothing seemed wrong
And we closed our eyes on
This elevator we ride

Higher and higher
Out of water and fire
Eight hands held the sides of
This elevator we ride

Now reaching the top...
an unknown stop
Pushing the last button on
This elevator we ride

Could it be...
The final floor?
(no)
I weap for we...

fall through...




the trap...










door

The Basics

Based on what I've seen...You can't base anything on what you see.

Once and Again

The ups
the downs
The smiles
the frowns
Upon the heads with thorny crowns

The joy
the pain
The fire
the rain
And all the demons to be slain

Here

here I sit

With my face in my hands
and my fate...in yours

Do you?

Do you mind?

Do you mind if I brag about you?

Do you mind if I laugh with you?

Do you mind if I cry with you?

Do you mind if I swim with you?

Do you mind if I drown with you?

Do you mind if I'm reborn with you?

Do you mind if we slay our demons today?

Do you mind if we invite in new ones?

Do you mind if we chase the sun while secretly wishing for the moon?

Do you mind if we fall in love . . . again?

Do you?

Wish List-less

Conversation overheard at the top of a wishing well between a princess and her stable boy:



"Here's a penny my princess, make a wish."

"I want...a pony.
That was fun daddy. I want to do it again."

"Okay, here's a quarter. This is worth a really big wish. Wish for something big my princess."

"Okay.
I want...a BIG pony."




As you wish my love...as you wish.

Borrowed Angels

"Look Daddy, we have brought the sun for you."

"It's beautiful. Thank you."

"And when the sun goes to sleep we will bring you the moon."

You have no idea my little ones...you have no idea.

Be Still...My Bleeding Heart.

You look behind you on the battle field to see that it's empty.
No brave warriors to fight for you?
No mighty mercenaries to defend you?
'Why?' you ask.
'How can this be?'

Look up my dear...look up.
There's a powerful dragon guarding your path.
Ready to rain down fiery hell to all who oppose you.

Your cries have been heard.

The sleeping giant awakens.

You Were There

I rode on the not-so-orient express
and at the end was you
I crossed through valleys of death
and at the end was you
I jumped into volcanic lakes of crystal blue
and at the bottom was you
I climbed the tallest trees
and at the top was you
I braved the mightiest oceans
and in the deep was you
I traversed miles of mountain passes
and at the end was you
I stared into the eyes of mighty bear
and in his eyes was you
I took a vision quest
to find the vision I'd been questing for...was you.

My Leap Year

Well it's one year later. In a way, I'm right back where I started having come full circle. I don't think I can point to any 365 day period of my life where I've grown more. In that time my world has been turned upside down. Thankfully, it feels like it has turned rightside up once again. So many lessons learned. So many bridges burned. But in the end so very much stronger because of it. I now look to the future with hope. My fire has been rekindled. My spirit recharged. The future is pregnant with possibilities. I can hardly wait.

Elemental Plea

Dear great wind messenger of the north,

First, let me sincerely apologize for disturbing you on your vitally important soujourn through the treetops, but I am in need of your assistance. I need your help in delivering a message. I know you have far better things to do but I am afraid this is quite urgent. There is a young lady. I think you know her as she has invoked your name many times in the past. She is, I'm afraid, in desperate need of the message I have for her. She is at a precariously low point right now with many hungry ghosts pulling at her very core. She is in Dyer need of light in these darkest of hours. Would you, oh great and mighty wind, traverse countless desert miles to reach my beautiful flower who withers under the intense desert sun and blinding neon lights? The message is simple, but extraordinarily important. My message is this: Hold on my love. I am on my way back to you...hold on.


Thank you most valued ally,
-Moonwolf

P.S.-I'm very close to learning your secret of being both everywhere...and nowhere.

Lost and Found

A conversation between a princess and her king, high on a mountain trail:


"Don't let me get lost daddy."

"I won't."

"If I get lost I'll be scared"

"Perhaps."

"If I get lost I'll cry to you for help.
And you will come find me."

"Without fail my love...without fail."

Thoughts on my Day of Epiphany

The one I can cry to
the one I can fly to

She knows the dark shadow world as well as the light
The thought of losing such things fills mind with dread and with fright

But she doesn't see the big picture
The ingredient needed to complete the great mixture

From less-to-see
to exctasy

Will all of our lives eventually get better
Or will She haunt me more now than before I first met her

Mis-Taken Identity

I had a pretty incredible realization the other day. It came while I was pondering one of my favorite expressions. It's an Assyrian proverb that says: 'Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are.' This powerful piece of wisdom was the genesis for the following thought: That if we are simply the sum total of everything that has come into us through our experiences and our associations with others than what makes us unique is nothing more than a complex combination of outside influences. If one could strip away the layers of experiences and impressions of others, ever delving deeper and deeper into ourselves, we would ultimately find...nothing. A great open void. Like a clear blue sky with nothing to obstruct our view. You might find this idea comforting. You might find it quite disturbing. I took this line of thinking one step further. If we are merely a collection of pieces of other people then, conversely, the people you associate with are a collection of pieces of the people they know...including you. So if all you are is a collection of other people and other people are a collection of you, then in actuality more of what makes you you resides outside of yourself in the hearts and minds of those around you as opposed to residing inside of you. I'm not quite sure how this should affect the way we act, but in the very least it should make us realize the incredible impact we have on those around us each and every day. Even when we don't think anyone is watching.

Dellusionist

She's gone. Vanished. Twisted.

Once stunningly beautiful, now hideously grotesque.

Torn apart by age and rage.

Hardened and callous, by heartache and malice.

Once peaceful eyes, losing sight of the prize.

Come back oh lovely thing.

Come back.

Miscreations

Do we love any less because we can't be what the world wants us to be? Do we hurt less? Something so beautiful, turned ugly. 'Hate each other' they say. 'Bite the backs, and the hands that feed' they say. In a world full of malicious monsters, scurrilous savages, and hungry hellhounds we are the ones held up to make others feel better...to give counterfeit peace. 'They're what's wrong with us' they say. Can love have so many rules? Can rules be so void of love? They poke, they prod, they demand answers. They chase us with torches over hill and dale...we run. They fire slings and arrows...we run. Up the stairs of the old mill of life they chase. 'Kill them' they say. 'Different is evil' they chant. Higher and higher they push. Why can't they live and let love? Out the window is the only way. 'Die' they scream. Do we fall? Do we die? Not today. Today we jump. And today...we fly. Love is love, no matter how ugly.

Fighting for Five

You make lemonade taste like Sunday afternoon with our feet off the pier.

You make sweaters look like lying in a pile of leaves in the cool breeze.

You make laughter sound like the language of angels.

You make roses smell like a thousand forgotten cottages.

You make God feel like he got something right.

16:13

Poor little boy. They didn't tell you did they?
Trying so hard for peace. For happiness. Why won't they like you?
They didn't tell you did they?
Bombs don't just kill the one they're meant to.
Curing disease by killing the patients.
They didn't tell you did they?
If only you'd talked to Luke first, he would have told you.
He would have told you Chapter and Verse of what to do.
Pity. You thought you knew the answers. Held the keys.
Little boys always learn though.
Nothing is sadder than a dreamer.
It's just a good thing they caught you in time. All is not lost.
Little boys always learn that chains hurt less when you don't pull against them.
Just in time.
Thank goodness.

Father's Time

Only by the benefit of countless years do I know the secret to becoming a wise old man: I've made so many mistakes that I know exactly what not to do.

Only by the benefit of countless years do I know the secret to becoming a happy old man: Given the choice, I wouldn't change a thing.

Sondown

Shimmering bands of light. Leaping, dancing, frolicking in the ether. Happy to be so luminous. Reaching triumphantly to the four corners of the earth. Having my warm presence felt by so many. Outstretching my arms of light in a final fiery yawn to the world before retiring to my bed of stars. Resting peacefully in the comforting knowledge that I had brought direction and a guiding force to countless souls. Ah, to be a sunset.


And not so much a man.

Now and Zen

I try to live in the moment. I really do. But it's hard isn't it? Sure it's easy if the moment is great. Watching the perfect sunrise. Having a picnic with your kids. Making love to the point where you forget you're two people. It's easy to be in the moment at those times. It's much harder to be in the moment when things really suck. Your car broke down on the way to work. You just got laid off. You just realized you actually are two people. These are the times where being in that moment can be just as beautiful. It's an old saying that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. While I try as hard as I can to live by that thought it seems like my 10% has taken quite the toll as of late. I'm trying to see the silver lining, but my rose colored glasses get pretty dirty sometimes and I can't see as well as I'd like. It's those times when I sit down and realize that without the bad parts you wouldn't know what the good parts were. It seems that I am not out of my dark period as I thought for awhile that I was. But life is made up of moments at the same time our lives are momentary so I will press on. But I will say how unfortunate it is that we so often learn our most important life lessons through times of adversity and sadness. This student is ready. Sitting quietly, waiting for the master to appear.

Gravity: The Law and You

Falling.

That sums it up. Falling so fast and so hard you're not sure how far you'll go or how much speed you'll pick up on the way. Falling so out of control that the feeling in your stomach that senses that you're falling is overwhelming. I vomit to appease the sensation, but I keep falling. I close my eyes, mistakenly thinking it might make me less queesy. But when I open them I'm just in a completely different place...still falling. Why can't I stop? Do I need to stop? What if to stop means that I've hit bottom? Would it be worth it? I thought for a little while that I was through this event that, in many ways, was the event that would seperate my life into before...and after. But it seems that the test is not over. The pressure builds even still. The walls close in to see what I'm really made of. Will I crumble and die, completely pulverized by it all? Or will the pressure reveal the diamond I know is inside? We'll see. All I do know is that answers come from within, not from without. I'll see you on the other side (I hope).

It's [(Never) Too] Late

Is that how stars are made daddy?

Yes it is my angels.

Watch close...they wink for you.

Well Wishers and Wishing Wells

She sits,

pondering.

Does she use her last wish to save the world,

or just herself?

Decay: Radioactive vs. Tooth

All I'm saying is that if our strides towards an alternative energy source were as large as our apparent advancements in toothbrush technology, we'd have had cold fusion decades ago. Discuss...

Answers in Search of Questions

How can so many judge
yet so few can accept

How can so many direct
yet so few can lead

How can so many force
yet so few can guide

How can so many condemn
yet so few can bless

How can so many yell
yet so few can whisper

How can so many cut
yet so few can bleed

How can so many hide
yet so few can seek

Do we resign ourselves to human nature or do we rise above it to become more? What can be more important than our feelings and emotions? Are dreams and hopes about the journey or the destination?

How can so many answer
yet so few can question

A Fool's Day in April

So many goods
So many bads
So many haves
So many hads

Where do we go
and why don't we know
yet through the flames we're forced to grow

Fighting
biting
igniting

lighting...the way

The Pulling

Pull me out from inside
The secret hopes
The secret dreams
Now I see what God means...

Two beasts living together
The heart of 'fight'
The wings of 'flight'
I try for the former with all my might

Oh the beauty of this thing we've created
Look at it's shine
Look at it's lustre
Why do I resist it with all I can muster

And I want to live
And I want to feel
And I want to cry
And I want
I want

I just want


You

Weary

Here I sit
Wondering
Wondering how even the very rain can decide to lash out against me
Wondering what I've done to deserve this deluge
This hydrous onslaught
And just as I adjust to the feeling... it changes
It falls harder
It falls faster
It starts to cut through my skin
It enters my blood and begins to burn
The burning hurts
Yet is oddly familiar
And then it hits me
I have the blood of the phoenix coursing through my veins
Now if I can just learn to fly high above the rainclouds

Zen and the Art of Blogging

I have found myself thinking quite a lot about art as of late. This has always been one of my favorite subjects to ponder, but it seems to have been stepped up as of late. I know that this is due to the fact that I'm trying to create a piece of art myself right now and am searching to find meaning in it's creation. What makes good art? What makes bad art? What makes...art, for that matter? I've also been fascinated by the concept of process vs. results. In creating this piece of art I've tried to strike a balance between what I feel expresses what I need to express and expressing it in a way that people would enjoy. Should art be about the journey or the destination? The creating or the creation? I know that once this piece is finished people will enjoy it and be entertained by what they see. However, I will take pleasure and entertainment in knowing the process it took to arrive at the finished product. I'll be aware of the countless hours of thoughtful reflection as well as the years spent developing the necessary skills needed to achieve this expression.

I often think about a conversation I had with a co-worker a number of years ago. He played in a punk band that frequently played at dive bars. We were speaking of art on a short break we had from the menial job we were forced to take when entertainment gigs were scarce. Or so I thought. On this particular occasion we were speaking of making our art our occupation. I've always thought that the ultimate career achievement was to be able to make a living doing what you would normally do for free because you loved it so much. On this particular day a new idea would explode in my brain compliments of my friend Jaime as he cooly smoked his cheap cigarettes. He explained that he wouldn't want his band to be his only means of support because he used his art as therapy. His art was where he escaped to when he had a bad day at work. If he made his living at it it would cease to be art. I've thought about those few sentences more times than he could possibly have imagined. However, I do feel that you must have a balance. I do believe it's possible to make a living from your art. The challenge lies in not letting fiscal motivations dictate the direction of your art. I'm sure I'll have more posts on this and similar subjects, but I'd love to know your thoughts on art. I'll keep the coffee on.

Senate Renews Patriot Act

Undoubtedly one of the worst pieces of legislation I've ever.............(message interrrupted)..........

Hate the Quiz Not the Quizzer

In an attempt to silence my critics and not let my writings become too heavy handed I have decided to post this entry which originally was one of those uninspired quizes that I hate so much. But people seemed to enjoy it so I offer it for you here for your viewing anguish. Enjoy.


1. Have you ever been searched or stopped by the police?
-Yes, and thank God they didn't find it.

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
-No. How would I aim?

3. When's the last time you've been sleigh riding?
-Assuming that's not a sexual euphemism, never.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
-Someone else is always better, I only have two hands!

5. Do you believe in Ghosts?
-Yes, but I just hope they believe in me.

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
-You tell me. Disney just bought the rights to my 'creative juices.' At least she said she was from Disney.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
-That depends. Is the pope catholic?

8. Jennifer Anniston or Angelina Jolie?
-Whoever even asked this question should be shot, burned, and have their ashes put in a vial that Angelina can wear around her neck.

9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?
-Well, technically I can say anything I want but thanks to the Patriot Act it's probably best to keep quiet.

10. Do you know how to play poker?
-I'm awesome. (Just don't ask my wallet the same question)

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
-Yeah, I call it: 'The Weekend'

12. Do you kill bugs that are in the house?
-Not unless they drink all the milk and put the empty container back in the fridge.

13. Have you ever cheated on a test?
-I'm cheating on this one right now.

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run the red light?
-No, and if anyone answered yes to this all I ask is that you email me with your nighttime driving schedule. Thank you.

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
-Well if I told you it wouldn't be a secret now would it?

16. Arsenal or Chelsea?
-If I knew what the hell that meant I might answer.

17. Have you ever Ice Skated?
-Not since my mom cooly informed me that I was on thin ice.

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
-I prefer to do my dreaming while I'm awake.

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you were crying?
-The last time I showed my...wait, oh when I laughed? Oh, nevermind.

20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
-Yes. (good thing you didn't ask me to prove it)

21. Are you gay?
-Why? Interested?

22. Do you believe in love at first sight?
-I'll let you know when Jennifer Love Hewitt walks through my bedroom door.

24. Do you always wear your seat belt?
-Always. I'm too afraid that everyone else drives like me!

25. What talent do you wish you had?
-The ability to ask trite and mildly probing questions.

26. Do you like Sushi?
-Hell yeah. I even name each bite 'Nemo.'

27. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
-Yes. See question 24.

28. What do you wear to bed?
-I try to stick with blondes but I'm open to brunettes and redheads too.

29. Have you ever been caught stealing?
-Caught? No.

30. Does size matter?
-Not if you don't mind walking funny for awhile.

31. Do you truly hate anyone?
-Just people who write quiz questions.

32. Rock and Roll or Rap?
-Rock and Roll. Only because I can't afford the bling.

33. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
-Helen of Troy. Although her bedroom skills are probably a bit rusty by now.

34. Do you have a relative in prison?
-No. (Thank God you didn't ask if any of my relatives deserve to be in prison)

35. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror like your favorite singer?
-Yes. And I still can't figure out where the booing was coming from.

36. Do you know how to play chess?
-Very well. I just can't figure out how to get past gumdrop mountain.

37. What food do you find disgusting?
-Anything that we might otherwise keep as a family pet. Note to self: cancel vacation to China.

38. Have you ever played, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours?"
-Yes. But I'm sure the game is much more fun if we're both talking about our naughty bits.

39. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
-Of course not. But did you hear about.....

40. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
-Yes. And then they told me they'd like to keep it that way.

41. Have you ever been punched in the face?
-This gorgeous face? Never. Well once... Okay maybe twice... Every day. *sniff*

42. When is the last time you threw up from drinking too much?
-It's been a little while. But rest assured I passed 5th grade the second time around.

43. Have you ever walked out on a movie at the theater?
-Only if I didn't pay for it. Otherwise I just burn the theater down.

Stepping Stones

The steps we take
the future we make
over the coals the hearts we rake

The pain we cause
without a pause
into our prey we sink our claws

The tears we've shed
the blood we've bled
down this path we've all been led

The late night crying
our inside's left dying
is so often our reward for even just trying

But the fire's been kept
into our throats our hearts have lept
may you continue to take just one...more...step

She Must

Surely she must know
She must know the power she wields
the mind she inpires
the heart she steals
She must know the devastating effects of her eyes
hypnotizing and entrancing, making attractive captors
She must know the calming effects of her hair
even the Amazon is jealous of it's flowing curves
She must know the warming effects of her smile
if beauty could launch a thousand ships, her smile would bring them home
She must know the arousing effects of her hands
the fire she lights
the flames she fans
She must know the power she wields
She must know, for him, it's her presence that heals

Fairytale?

The grass was green
The Trees were brown
Her fire...red

She was ready
Her company afraid
The butterflies...enchanting

Yesterday is gone
Tomorrow may never come
Today is all we have

Once again she is standing near the beach. Heart open. Wondering. Wondering if she should step through the clearing to the other side. She's been here before you see. But maybe this time she won't end up wondering what might have been. Maybe this time she'll see if this el dorado is real or not.

The Earl of Ideas

I never could have fathomed how someone's eating habits could give so much insight into their personality. An explanation is in order I'm sure. You see, for as long as I can remember I have eaten the crust from around my sandwich first. I take my first bite in the front left corner of the sandwich and work my way around until all of the crust is gone. Then I can enjoy my sandwich with all of it's hidden treasures. Well the breakthrough came with the realization that this was actually a little idealist boy's attempt at trying to satisfy both his guardian parents' expectations as well as his idealist heart's desire to enjoy a sandwich on it's own terms. For once I had strategically removed the less palattable outer shell of slightly denser and browner bread material I would be free to enjoy my crust-less sandwich having fulfilled my social obligation that I "eat all of my food because of the starving children in {insert current famine-ridden country here}."

Does the way you eat say anything about you?

To-Do List

Make to-do list

Fall of the House of Us.......her

It's a strong looking house isn't it
The weak ones always look that way
So pretty on the outside
But dying from within
Such very poor acting in this un-holy play

And if a house divided against itself cannot stand
then ashes to ashes we all...



fall...






down.

PC²

I have a new-found respect for the order of things in this world. A renewed reverence for the paradox that language shapes attitudes at the same time that attitudes shape language. This truth was revealed to me through our use of terms relating to our computers. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the majority of our words for computer terms have something to do with violence and/or negative connotations. If your computer stops working it: 'Crashes.' If it does crash you have to: re- 'Boot' it. If your computer isn't feeling well it has a: 'Virus.' We 'Rip' music so we can 'Burn' it later, and if someone invades your computer they can turn it into a 'Zombie' machine. We have to deal with 'Bugs' and 'Worms' and if everything goes to hell we end up with a system 'Meltdown.'

So in the interest of trying to be more positive, I have come up with a less offensive lexicon when dealing with our computers. A PC guide to PC terms if you will. Now instead of crashing, your computer will 'Experience an Unfortunate Percussion.' We will 'Suddenly Seperate' music so we can 'Rekindle' it later. Now we'll deal with 'Diminutive Arthropods' and 'Persistent Platyhelminthes' and if everything goes to hades we end up with a 'Failure to Maintain a Coherent Information Structure.'

I hope this guide serves you well. I'm going to pass this on to the people in charge at all of the major software and 'solid-ware' companies to see what they think. Wish me luck.

With Me

Come with me

Come with me my love

Come with me to the waters edge that I may play beautiful music for you

I want to feel your warm touch and hear your long breaths

I want to know that of all the places you could be you chose to be with me

I want you to know that of all the places I could be I chose to be with you

The fairies are lovely tonight are they not

Come with me to the waters edge that I may play beautiful music for you

Come with me my love

Come with me

The Eye of the Beholder

I just wanted to take the time and offer my support to all of the female specimens of our species. I'm not talking about the fact that you have to put up with childbirth, periods, cluttered purses, high heeled shoes, having to sit down every time you want to use the bathroom, and putting up with idiot males who have no idea you're even putting up with these things. I'm offering my support in the area of having to put up with beauty magazines. You know what I'm talking about. All of those magazines at the check-out stand that command you to put up with all of the aforementioned nightmares while looking spectacular. Now, I will concede that the message of 'beautiful' has been amped up for both sexes, but I believe that women, once again, have gotten the short end of the stick (insert penis joke here) as it were.

I tried to think of the male equivalent to beauty magazines and came up empty. Sure we have a few fitness magazines that tell us to look good, but at least they attempt to hide the true motives behind the thin veil of 'fitness' and getting healthier. So what are guys left with? Magazines like Playboy, Maxim, FHM, Stuff and the like where we look at what?...That's right, beautiful women! So the general consensus is that we like to look at beautiful women. Women look at 'em and men look at 'em. Now don't get me wrong, I like to ogle just as much as the next neanderthal, but it's the extreme emphasis that bothers me. I see young girls look at those magazines and I know that they, in some way, are basing their self image on what they see in those magazines. It just frightens me to think of an entire generation of girls who are growing up thinking they are inferior in some way. How about an article proclaiming the virtues of being unique and beautifully flawed? The real shame is that I have met many very attractive women who have such a low opinion of themselves that they don't think they are good enough for anybody. How about a magazine that touts the virtues of other areas of humanity? Just once I'd like to have 'Seventeen' magazine run an article on "How to get him to notice your brain" or "The right way to articulate your personality." Honestly, how many issues of Cosmo could possibly contain their "Largest sex survey ever!"?

My advice: go your own way. I've never needed anyone to tell me what looks good. And to be honest, my choices probably haven't been approved by everyone. But then again how many of our choices ARE approved by everyone? The secret is to not care. Now I'm not advocating being sloppy or slovenly, but simply finding your own idea of what's beautiful. Above all, I just hope that women realize that it is a self-imposed burden that they place on themselves. We men will think about you how you feel about yourself. Now if you'll excuse me, I hear Cosmo has the "10 secrets to beautiful living" issue out. Race you there.

The Mourning After

So today's the day, that dreadful day?
The undoing of that rice filled day in May.
So many stories, laughter, and tears.
We did the best we could for the last few years.
Which things are yours, and which one's are mine?
When splitting two lives, where does one draw the line?
People don't come apart so neatly and squarely.
But I know we'll survive, if even just barely.
Two lives, forever connected.
I'm sorry for your having to feel so rejected.
But you'll make it through this, my strongest of friends.

You see
This is where our story begins...not ends.

Reckless Idealist

Today is the first day of the rest of your life? Today is the ONLY day of your life. Did you waste it? I didn't. Today my thoughts were captivated by notions of deeper meanings and universal truths. These subjects have come to mean much more to me after this past year. 2005 was the year I was born. Considering that the one person most people never meet is themselves, I find myself extremely...humbled.

This year I learned:

To not let life intrude on my living.

That the hardest thing you've ever faced is always just on the horizon.

It's the journey, not the destination that's important.

That freedom is only truly appreciated by those who don't have it.

That not everyone thinks like me.

Love is independent of proximity.

You are what you love, not what loves you.

To not take anything, or anyone, for granted.

So as I emerge from my dark tunnel to be absorbed by the light, I wish you well on your journey, weary traveller. I hope our paths cross one day... just for the stories.

Dots

In the face of so many people lamenting the fact that it is hard to meet someone special, I've recently tried to attack the subject of matchmaking from a scientific point of view.

The problem is finding an accurate way to measure compatibility. We could start with the law's burden of evidence which is a "preponderence of the evidence." Basically a hair over 50%, or half. Surely this is a much too lenient measurement as I highly doubt that every other person you meet would make a suitable mate. So let's seek a higher power: Seinfeld. In an episode of Seinfeld, Jerry suggests that only 5% of the population is suitable for dating. Well now we're getting somewhere. That might be suitable for some, but I'm addressing those who feel that they want to be with someone REALLY special. I'm tempted to let it rest at one out of a thousand people are compatible, or .1%, but I can't stop there. I'm talking to the people that believe that they're supposed to be with someone who perfectly completes them. People who are looking for these types of things tend to use the phrase "he/she is one in a million."

We finally have an accurate measure of compatiblity. So let's use our newfound romantic rosetta stone and figure out the odds of meeting such a person. In the United States there are approx. 360 million people. Eliminate half of them for being the wrong gender which leaves us with 180 million people. Now, using our yardstick of "one in a million" we actually find out that there are 180 "dream" mates walking around at any given time just in this country. I've included a map with a represention of where those people might be right now. As you can see, they really are everywhere. How close is your dot to one on the map? Would you be ready if you met one today?

I hope this helps those of you that believe love might pass you by. You see love, and potential love, are all around. May you take heart in this, oh weary traveller, as you continue on your journey to connect the dots.

Land of Unheard Thank-You's

To the Guardian of the Land of Unheard Thank-You's:

As you know, your land as of late has been expanding quite rapidly. I'm afraid this is of my doing. You see there is one who I have not thanked in quite awhile. I'm concerned that these errant thank-you's are becoming a nuisance to you. So I hereby ask you to release the following thank-you's from their anonymous anguish.

Thank you for teaching me that it's not the sword that cuts, but the intent. Thank you for fish tacos. Thank you for Zen. Thank you for Italian Surfers. Thank you for dream quests. Thank you for magic castles. Thank you for 'Crash.' Thank you for volcano sauce. Thank you for go. Thank you for ages of mythology. Thank you for the Crowells. Thank you for backyard dirt talks. Thank you for Owen. Thank you for being a light in a dark world.

I greatly appreciate all of your help. I will try my hardest to not let too much time pass before my next letter.





P.S.-Thank You

Borrow the Future

"Mother, Father come here fast"
Was heard so often in the past
Bring the band-aids and your kisses
And that's not counting the near misses

And every fall and scrape and tear
Were eased by knowing you were near
You picked me up and held me tight
I squeezed you back with all my might

Maybe one day words could show
With you how much fun it was to grow
"Mix it up and keep 'em guessin'"
Was probably my favorite lesson

So in the future if I fall
May my prayers be heard by all
That if I trip and skin my knee
One more band-aid you'll have for me

Duet in Be Major

This poor little girl
All covered in tears
With her heart all torn open
And facing her fears

This poor little boy
With his face in the dirt
Doing the best that he can
To hide his pain and his hurt

Desperately longing
For someone to share
A laugh and a cry
And a hope and a prayer

Silently waiting
Wishing the other was near
Each one not knowing
That they're already here

Spider Vain

Like a delicate spider, up high on her web
Highly attuned to the world's flow and it's ebb
Every word is so fluid, so graceful and free
For a few moments each night, my worries all flee
I sit and I read, and I think and I ponder
As she flares her cloak of truth she wears on her
If only she knew, perhaps even cared
Then maybe I could stop running scared
But I've braced myself for the conflagration
For tonight her prey...is my imagination

Diuturnal Midnight

Her keys and locks are old and rusted.
Even she doubts if it was blood she shed.
Memories in flight shattered by pain.
Dreams built on truth withered in vain.
Surely she sees the fork in the road,
and will soon feel how heavy the load.
That poor little girl racked by grieving and crying,
will soon find she's not falling...but flying.

The Dance

"Please stay and be one of us." She said.

"I don't know if I'd like it," He replied.

"Besides, without me, you wouldn't exist."

The Void

Let me tell you about the void.

The void is cold.
The void is dark.
It has ice coarsing through it's veins
and the look of death in it's eyes.
And the void eats.
Oh does it eat.
It feeds on fear.
And on doubt, and on insecurity.
The void is always full,
yet always hungry.
With it's lecherous plans
and trecherous hands,
few escape the power of the void.

A Matter of Timing

Something occurred to me the other day that really startled me. It was the instant realization that I was missing a completely vital component to meeting The One (italics added by author). We always think in terms of: I wonder if I'll ever find him/her, but I think we're all forgetting that there is another facet to meeting someone. The concept of timing. Let me give you an example. Meet Sarah. Sarah's a pretty young girl. She's bright, articulate, and she can tie a knot in the stem of a cherry with her tongue...The total package. She loves classical music, writing faithfully in her blog, and working at her job. She's a waitress at a really upscale restaurant where she's working right now. You see, five minutes ago she was just stiffed on a bill which will now be deducted from her days pay. A lamentable happening to be sure. Disheartened by her recent and sudden financial pitfall she fails to notice the man being seated at her section. His name is Steve. Steve is a handsome young man. He's intelligent, in shape, and always puts the toilet seat down...The total package. He also loves classical music, writing faithfully in his blog, and working at his job. He's a bank manager. He decided that tonight would be the night to treat himself to an elegant and expensive dinner. He decided to go out, bachelorhood be damned, and see what the universe had in store for him tonight. Steve is open to infinite possibilities. Sarah is haunted by visions of eviction. She hurries through her service and barely notices the person she's waiting on. The tragedy is that if she stops, even for a moment, she would be looking into the eyes of a man who has just seen the most beautiful girl he has ever laid eyes on. Steve is so convinced that he has just found something truly special that he writes his phone number on a napkin to leave for the fair maiden. Unfortunately for true love our young heroine angrily grabs the napkin and, failing to see the signs the universe is sending, crumples it up with the other trash.

Here we have two people...normally perfect for each other, a prime victim of timing. Not only do we not know where we will meet that special someone, but we also don't know when. The best defense against unwittingly scaring away something meaningful: Be nice all the time. It's that simple really. Now I know it's impossible to be nice all the time, but so much can be gained by just being more pleasant. Greet people with a smile. Say hi. Go out of your way to do something nice for someone. You never know if you are going to, by accident, flash that gorgeous smile at someone special.

Attraction...part II

So here's a few more thoughts on my last post on attraction. I was thinking about another quote today (what a surprise) and I thought about how closely it relates to the earlier post. The quote is "If you're doing what you've always done, then you'll get what you've always gotten." So as I thought about all of the people who "look for love in all the wrong places," I thought about how to further guide these wayward hearts to true and lasting love. Sometimes we have to break out of our comfort zones and try something a little different. I can't help but think of the Seinfeld episode where George does the exact opposite of what he would normally do for an entire day. The results will probably surprise you. There's so much to do in this world. Our day to day lives have a tendency to grind us down and whisper in our ears that this is the way things are. Well sometimes you have to shout back at life and say NO! Things are the way I say they are. If you don't like the way things are...change them. If there are things about you you'd like to change and can, then change them. If you can't...Oh well, it's part of what makes you you. The trick is being able to tell the difference between the things you can and can't change. You can change more than you think. How does this relate to relating you may ask? (If you didn't, I took the liberty)

My point is is that when you try to do things to attract the opposite sex you'll usually be spending time and energy that might be better spent truly bettering yourself. When I picture meeting a soulmate, I don't fantasize about meeting her at a singles bar as our beer goggled eyes vacantly behold the potential "Mr/Ms Right Now" and try to squeeze each other into our mold of what we find attractive. Now don't get me wrong. I love going to the bar or club just as much as the next weary warrior poet, and I have heard stories of people finding true love that way. But my guess is that they are few and far between. And to relate to the previous post, you have to ask yourself what you're really after. If you have a weak spot for the "bad boy" don't be surprised when he lives up to his reputation. When I think of meeting a soulmate, I think of standing in line for coffee and the bright and vibrant woman in front of me orders the same drink as me and I'm forced to say something about it to her. Or I'm at the Library studying some piece of arcane knowledge that has recently fired my imagination when her and I reach for the same book. Pretty idealistic I know, but my point is that if you're stuck in a "loveless" love life sometimes you have to change what you're doing if you want to see different results.

So to those of you who have work to do: May you have the courage to face your fears and obstacles head on and be victorious. To those of you who have this pretty well down by now I applaud you. Your confidence and poise, kindness and gentleness, and tears and laughter will all be rewarded shortly. After you exercise one last virtue...Patience.

Worthless Gifts of Great Meaning

My eyes are blue, my soul is too.
But the leaf in my pocket reminds me what's true.
And I carry moon flowers to lay at her feet.
In case today is the day we meet.

Attraction

You attract what you are, not what you want.

What a powerful concept. To let logic follow through: If we want to find what we are looking for, we must first become what we are looking for. Wow. You mean to tell me that you're not going to find a guy who wants to settle down and start a family at a rave? You mean you're not going to find a nice girl you can bring home to mom at a strip bar? Exactly.

I can't tell you how many people I see living the old cliche of looking for love in all the wrong places. First of all, I believe that true love hits you when you least expect it. It never fails. You search for months for mr/mrs right, and as soon as you stop looking is when they fall right in your lap.

The key is to just live your life. Work on finding yourself and the partner will come. I truly believe that to find cool people you have to do cool things. Learn how to hang glide, take an art class, do a local play, learn a second language. Work on bettering yourself and the opportunities to meet someone special will surely present themselves. Because the best things in life happen when we're busy making other plans.

My Car

One of the few times I feel in absolute control of my life is when I am behind the wheel of my car. There, I said it. It's true. When I am driving I am the lord of all creation. I am the holy decider of my fate and the sacred protector of my destination.

I flick my wrist and electric current tells other drivers around me I wish to turn at the next light. I extend my foot and my car slows at my command. I will this great metal beast to come to a stop and the beast obeys my decree. I bark orders from the bridge and the entire ship snaps to attention and hangs on my every word. "Go!" I yell at the beast and the beast roars to life and carries it's master to his destination. Behind the wheel of my car I am in a fantasy world that begins and ends with the turning of a key. With the music loud and the wind through my hair, I really could be on my way to anywhere. Dubuque, IA, Bangor, ME, Tallahasee, FL, Seattle, WA, Mobile, AL, Needles, CA, or Wichita, KS could all be my destination as far as my car knows. To paraphrase Tony Hoagland:

"With my foot upon the gas,
between the future and the past,
I am here-
here where the desire to vanish
is stronger than the desire to appear."